Thursday, July 29, 2010

I want to be a doctor

There. Out loud, in blog land. I want to be a doctor. I want to offer comfort and provide needed health service and counseling to the rural families that need it. I want to do this. Be this. The other aspects, making better money than being a SAHM, providing an example to the girls in line with my own beliefs, perceived community status, challenging my own limits again, are nice and welcome but really, I just want to be a physician.

When I told my family in January that I had decided to be a doctor, many of them - God bless, I still smile about it - had attitudes and comments that were obviously predicated on the idea that one day I would wake up and realize that I'm supposed to be a doctor. Now, Momma then recommended Psych. I'm not sure that's really for me; I prefer the idea of the rural doctor, filling a need in a community vacuum. But it's like everyone in my family but me saw it, and most cases, have seen it since I was a kid. Wise of them not to tell me, except the way that Daddy did, that I would be a student all my life. I still remember that conversation and the huge grin I wore after he said it. It still makes me smile.

If I can, I should. If I can, I will. And I can.
I'm getting together the financial aspect right now, and knocking the rust off of the whole "formal learning" process. I've finished a review of pre-calc maths and have started in on teaching myself a bit of calculus. I need to take Calc and some science courses - my previous degree required none of that and allowed no time in it except for perhaps electives and I don't know many 19-year-old's who'll voluntarily take a 100-level chem course voluntarily when their time is already taken up with studying and multiple rehearsals and private practice on top of classes. Still, I think I'm pretty much ready for a calculus course now. Not too bad for someone who's not had a formal math course since she was 18.

I'm going to start in on reviewing for sciences, too, now that I'm more up to speed in math. Check out a Biology and HS Chem for Dummies book or equivalent, brush back up on the Kreb's Cycle, all that. If I *must* wait till next year for graded classes, I'll make it work, with taking up my awesome doc's shadowing offer and volunteerism and all. We've just about got child care in place - here, this is not easy on a $45k/year budget with a house and two kids while one potential earner is unavailable for childcare. In the meanwhile, Brett's looking for something else, that pays him something like industry standard (which would make childcare easy to pay for while still allowing my eldest to participate in the ballet that she loves).

Onward into the future.